Managing everyday life, while at the same time mediating the addiction of our loved ones, can be the most challenging mission anyone could undergo within their lifetime. Most people think about the user when communicating about addiction. However, my experiences may help to reverse the way you think about addiction and may even provide you to have more of an open mind.
The love we have for a family can detour any decision that we make even though it might seem sketchy. Unfortunately, the moral values that we are born with are affected by the power steering an addiction, and therefore, we make decisions that weren’t already previously planned.
We work and live our home lives based upon a notion that failure isn’t an option and that we are the glue holding it all together. Sometimes we judge ourselves and try to improve on things we can alter within our own lives to make positive influences, hoping it may perhaps give variation to the mind of our family member who is torn by the results of addiction.
I Was The Enabler
Sometimes the enabler will try and improve anything that they can in order to help a loved one who is addicted. Changing oneself to help improve a family members addiction will take a toll on anyone, especially while already working to ensure your own responsibilities are taken care of, whether it be from work, school, or even being a homemaker. The strength someone has to have to fill this role is more than most people can understand.
To thrive throughout daily life and satisfy the goals that are important to you will possibly come when you settle on the hardest choice you may ever make. Isolating the toxic environment, even if it doesn’t feel right, know it’s the proper thing to do. Take a gander at how far you have come as of now and afterward help yourself to remember the outcomes you have achieved.
The current goal in your mind is to help make your family whole again; unfortunately, if someone like yourself sticks by an addict’s side, it most likely will make the addiction worse and may even cause more damage because you are not helping rather than supporting, there is a difference within the cases of habits.
Love them from a distance, then capture the moments as a testing block. Once you step away and separate yourself from the family member which whom, all your focus directed toward, Will then immediately take a deep breath and realize that this is probably the first moment that you have had to yourself in a very long time.]
Draw The Line
The phrase ‘tough love”, simply means to separate yourself completely from a toxic person. As hard as it may seem, this really does show the amount of love that you have for the one who is addicted. If you think that an individual who walks away does not care; well then you just don’t care as much as that person, so you don’t understand. Walking away from anybody you love is hard enough as is, let alone from someone you love who has a mysterious future. That feeling of their unknown future is horrible however, it is really benefiting the progress with their addiction.
If you are the enabler and truly want the best for the toxic member in your life, then you should probably take this advice. After a short time, you will begin to think of it more logically and realize that being around was helping to support their evil habit. With my experience, I stayed around because of love and also because they were all I knew. The separation of a family isn’t a thought in my mind because family isn’t supposed to bail on each other, especially if they are down and out.
Time for You
Having the time for yourself will not only give you room to breathe but most importantly, it allows you the time to think. This much needed time should be used to gather your thoughts and learn how to apply them toward your own goals. It won’t take long until you will begin to realize all the things you can take advantage of to better yourself. You can go back to school, or work, maybe you earned a vacation, start generating for yourself. Don’t feel this tactic is selfish because it isn’t. In order to help someone else, you must make sure that you are taking care of yourself first, otherwise, you won’t be much help to anyone.
Hopefully, this may provide you with some support and understanding that the right decision is the one you don’t want to do. The phrase “tough love” plays a big factor to make it simple when it comes to family members that help their loved ones who are addicts; well stop it. The wrong thing to do is to help in any way because all it will do is enable them to ask for some more and more and they will manipulate you by using the love you have for them against you and essentially taking advantage in any way possible to ensure their next high.
Addicts need to hit rock bottom before they will change! As harsh as it may sound, that is the best chance for them to want a change. The best that we can do is talk to them and give encouragement If they are getting the right help, then you can support them. There isn’t an exact method, However, others who are or have been in the same scenario had different outcomes, yet they all started with the addicts wanting to make the change. I have discovered that the bond, which was believed to be lost, can come back; maybe even stronger than before. Having this experience and sharing it could be an excellent tool for someone else who may be going through a similar situation. The support from someone who understands because they have experienced it can make a difference!.
Terms You Should Know
- Addiction- is a condition when a person engages in a substance and keeps engaging without control.
- Manipulate– Addicts will lie, cheat, and much more to get you to believe something that only gets them to their high even quicker.
- Enabling– Without realizing you may be making your loved ones’ addiction even worse by thinking you are helping.
- Support– Once the addict decides to get help on their own is when you can become involved to be there. Otherwise, they are most likely manipulating you.