Living with addictshas led many to believe that addiction is to blame for a toxic family relationship that results with family hurting family. To a certain degree, it’s true however addiction and toxicity are different. Addiction is like a disease because of the sickness and doesn’t make people evil, people are already evil, however, addiction brings it out of them. Toxic family members put themselves before others and will take advantage of anyone if it benefits them. The poisonous members of the family usually are surrounded by chaos. The toxic people in your life don’t have to be addicts, but if they are toxic and have an addiction problem, then run away and don’t look back.
A toxic parent is someone that likes to cause trouble within the family, rather than admit to the truth or apologize. A decent parent will hear their child out when they express their feelings. A Nontoxic parent doesn’t need to agree with all that their child is saying but they at least listen. A dangerous parent will just reject, disregard or even expel through a non-conciliatory sentiment or another strategy. A toxic parent is self-centered and feels their problems outweighs all others. A toxic individual is never responsible, and when they are confronted, they will deny it in every way.
Toxic adult siblings will blame the other whenever they get into trouble and will bring you down whenever the opportunity is given to them. Taking the sibling rivalry too far is one thing, but a toxic sibling will take it way too far and personal. If you have a sibling one thing a parent should avoid is comparing siblings and giving everyone unequal treatment. Toxicity can derive from the saying “Why can’t you be like your brother/sister?”. Treating one sibling more like a friend rather than their child, then this may be a sign of toxic behavior from a parent.
Some toxic father-daughter relationships occur throughout adult life. All toxic relationships should stop yet sadly only so much can be done to help those that we care about. Some poisonous relationships involving fathers can be broken. Some are fortunate enough to have experience with other aspects of perception. Looking at different aspects of the world will broaden your perceptional views and values. Understanding that parents are not always the best mentor is important.
Being in control or knowing everything is a priority to a narcissistic parent. Anarcissistic parent is exclusively and possessively close to their children and threatened by their children’s growing independence. They care more about themselves than their own child and need to be involved in everything or else they get offended. A narcissistic parent will leave their child confused because they like to make their children feel as if they are responsible. These parents give no credit at all yet expect all the credit from everyone else for things they probably didn’t even accomplish. A narcissistic person will lie in order to benefit themselves, even if hurts their children.
Everyone gets mad, and people can make empty threats that sometimes can be followed through. A toxic family member will make threats all the time and may act on them. If harm is done intentionally, then it’s time to walk away because it will only get worse. No type of abuse should be tolerated, even though walking away isn’t your goal; it must happen!
To whomever it may concern, coming out as gay is a big deal and can have many different effects. Calem Scott was a finalist on the UK’s performance show ‘Britain’s Got Talent,’ and thanks to a powerful voice and passionate performance style, he’s parlayed it into global acclaim. Scott recounted a painful part of his young adult life – preparing the complicated emotions of being a gay teen and letting the world around him aware of his sexual orientation. Friends abandoned him early on, and it hurt. But in this touching video, states how he found the strength to be honest about himself.
Be proud of yourself for all that you are! Know that doing the wrong thing is when your conscience has you second-guessing yourself. If you’re still having second thoughts on big, important decisions, it may be a good idea to start with the non-threatening choices first. The more you learn to make decisions from your own beliefs, the fewer regrets you will have about it.
Managing everyday life, while at the same time mediating the addiction of our loved ones, can be the most challenging mission anyone could undergo within their lifetime. Most people think about the user when communicating about addiction. However, my experiences may help to reverse the way you think about addiction and may even provide you to have more of an open mind.
The love we have for a family can detour any decision that we make even though it might seem sketchy. Unfortunately, the moral values that we are born with are affected by the power steering an addiction, and therefore, we make decisions that weren’t already previously planned.
We work and live our home lives based upon a notion that failure isn’t an option and that we are the glue holding it all together. Sometimes we judge ourselves and try to improve on things we can alter within our own lives to make positive influences, hoping it may perhaps give variation to the mind of our family member who is torn by the results of addiction.
I Was The Enabler
Sometimes the enabler will try and improve anything that they can in order to help a loved one who is addicted. Changing oneself to help improve a family members addiction will take a toll on anyone, especially while already working to ensure your own responsibilities are taken care of, whether it be from work, school, or even being a homemaker. The strength someone has to have to fill this role is more than most people can understand.
To thrive throughout daily life and satisfy the goals that are important to you will possibly come when you settle on the hardest choice you may ever make. Isolating the toxic environment, even if it doesn’t feel right, know it’s the proper thing to do. Take a gander at how far you have come as of now and afterward help yourself to remember the outcomes you have achieved.
The current goal in your mind is to help make your family whole again; unfortunately, if someone like yourself sticks by an addict’s side, it most likely will make the addiction worse and may even cause more damage because you are not helping rather than supporting, there is a difference within the cases of habits.
Love them from a distance, then capture the moments as a testing block. Once you step away and separate yourself from the family member which whom, all your focus directed toward, Will then immediately take a deep breath and realize that this is probably the first moment that you have had to yourself in a very long time.]
Draw The Line
The phrase ‘tough love”, simply means to separate yourself completely from a toxic person. As hard as it may seem, this really does show the amount of love that you have for the one who is addicted. If you think that an individual who walks away does not care; well then you just don’t care as much as that person, so you don’t understand. Walking away from anybody you love is hard enough as is, let alone from someone you love who has a mysterious future. That feeling of their unknown future is horrible however, it is really benefiting the progress with their addiction.
If you are the enabler and truly want the best for the toxic member in your life, then you should probably take this advice. After a short time, you will begin to think of it more logically and realize that being around was helping to support their evil habit. With my experience, I stayed around because of love and also because they were all I knew. The separation of a family isn’t a thought in my mind because family isn’t supposed to bail on each other, especially if they are down and out.
Time for You
Having the time for yourself will not only give you room to breathe but most importantly, it allows you the time to think. This much needed time should be used to gather your thoughts and learn how to apply them toward your own goals. It won’t take long until you will begin to realize all the things you can take advantage of to better yourself. You can go back to school, or work, maybe you earned a vacation, start generating for yourself. Don’t feel this tactic is selfish because it isn’t. In order to help someone else, you must make sure that you are taking care of yourself first, otherwise, you won’t be much help to anyone.
Hopefully, this may provide you with some support and understanding that the right decision is the one you don’t want to do. The phrase “tough love” plays a big factor to make it simple when it comes to family members that help their loved ones who are addicts; well stop it. The wrong thing to do is to help in any way because all it will do is enable them to ask for some more and more and they will manipulate you by using the love you have for them against you and essentially taking advantage in any way possible to ensure their next high.
Rock Bottom or Cloud Nine
Addicts need to hit rock bottom before they will change! As harsh as it may sound, that is the best chance for them to want a change. The best that we can do is talk to them and give encouragement If they are getting the right help, then you can support them. There isn’t an exact method, However, others who are or have been in the same scenario had different outcomes, yet they all started with the addicts wanting to make the change. I have discovered that the bond, which was believed to be lost, can come back; maybe even stronger than before. Having this experience and sharing it could be an excellent tool for someone else who may be going through a similar situation. The support from someone who understands because they have experienced it can make a difference!.
Terms You Should Know
Addiction–is a condition when a person engages in a substance and keeps engaging without control.Manipulate–Addicts will lie, cheat, and much more to get you to believe something that only gets them to their high even quicker.
Enabling–Without realizing you may be making your loved ones’ addiction even worse by thinking you are helping.
Support– Once the addict decides to get help on their own is when you can become involved to be there. Otherwise, they are most likely manipulating you.
Addiction has surrounded my life and even though I am not an addict myself; living with addicts has made me question my own morality. I truly believe it is hereditary because I have personally experienced the pain it causes. The family around me changed because of the strength addiction has within it!
The growing usage of heroin in our society has led me to believe that addiction has evolved into an epidemic! People hide from the reality of addiction and so I would like to encourage people to understand and talk about their addiction. Communicating about it will only make them stronger when trying to defeat the curse steering it! To everyone with addiction problems, whether you’re using or know someone who is, please share your experience.
I have learned that being positive about life and understanding that addiction is nothing to hide from or be ashamed of. It is okay to discuss problems caused by addiction because they can be devastating, especially if you are alone. My goal is for us all to help each other by rising together! Come and share your experience or provide your support for someone who needs you! Let this become the start of Anytime Support!
For many years I thought there was something wrong with me. The emotional trauma I bared was from having such a big secret. I can recollect praying and apologized for these thoughts that remained embedded in my mind. I tried training the way I would think because I assumed, I was defective. Not only did I believe something was off; these thoughts were immoral, and I was afraid of the consequences the universe had in store for someone like me! I also felt those thoughts would lead me to become a wicked person. It had taken me until I was 23 years old to come out as gay!
I was brought up with love, respect, manners and above all morality! I knew right from wrong and the consequences acquired for being a sinful person, which terrified me because I believed I was corrupt! As time went on though, I began to realize that was not the case at all. An immoral person does not evolve out of your sexual preference, though a lot of us from the LGBT community have once had this thought because of the negative publicity others attain from our private lives! One of the hardest things you can do in life is to disappoint your family. Sadly, this does happen, and it does break up many families. These unnecessary conflicts are very unfortunate because there are so many families that do fight over sexual preference yet, there are so many families that couldn’t care less and still show the love that every person deserves. If you are a parent and the sexual preference of your child bothers you, the one piece of advice that you should take from me is that ‘you have made us and the love we give, is no different, from the love that you have given us.
There is still a lot of prejudice and stereotyping going on in the world we live in, and it’s quite unfortunate! If you have the time to have this kind of hate within your own heart, then, in my opinion, you have too much time on your hands! When it comes to the problems this country faces, I can tell you those petty issues are minimal in comparison to the rest. What is normal? I have heard of a lot of negativity from stereotyping or from being prejudice using this word as the justification; to me it just means variety. When you open up a pack of Eminem’s or Skittles there’s a variety of colors and flavors, but yet you enjoy each of them just the same, or when you go to work every day, one of the things you try to do is change it up just a little, so it’s not so repetitive.
If you’re a parent and have the feelings toward someone that you may not be fond of, well then look at your child with that very same hatred. Your child could be the one you hate, even if you doubt it, they still might! As you are staring at them and can feel that hatred ease up, then just maybe the remnants from the old country are going away, and people can finally be!
Too many of us are not living life as who we were meant to be. Sadly, this is because we are surrounded by closed-minded people who don’t embrace other perceptional views. I have learned from an extensive range of beliefs and can relate to many of them too. However, I cannot comprehend having a child believe that something they may already be trying to figure out themselves is wrong when it is just a personal life of one individual. The Personal lifestyle of someone shouldn’t have any effect on another. Do not allow your stereotyping and prejudices affect the ones that you care about; you may not know it, but you’re tearing at their sanity because they are trying so hard to fix something that doesn’t need to be adjusted.
Be who you were meant to be; live as if each breath you take; will be the last! Live each moment for yourself and never give up the things you love, for anyone!
Welcome to tru2yu where an experience shared today makes a better tomorrow
I am a single gay parent of three children. I have had the opportunity to experience a lot within my life, from major topics such as addiction, being and coming out as gay, and becoming a parent through adoption.
Throughout the last 15 years, I can think of at least a dozen topics that would have been a tremendous help if I was able to ask someone who had experienced the same things I was experiencing. I know sometimes people hide something in order to block out the negativity from the outside world, but I come to realize all the negativity is within our own minds. With the online world growing as it has been, communication has grown more than most people can comprehend. I know if each and every experience that we are exposed to throughout our life will someday help another person’s day be much better.
Have you ever thought about how the experience you know could help someone that may be going through the same thing? That’s essentially what the goals are here, and no matter how large or how complex; each experience will become knowledge that will quickly answer someone else’s questions.